EW2-035
Dec.8.2015
An Young Eun
Not Wearing Seat Belt: Must be Illegal
In my opinion, to drop the incidence of car accident mortality, not wearing seat belts in every
seat needs to become illegal. There are several reasons to support my opinion. First of all, the
most effective way to minimize the risk and ensure the safety is wearing
seat-belts. According to Korea Expressway Corporation, those who don’t wear
seat belts have three times higher chance of being killed than those who wear
seat belts in a car accident. Every seat in the car has seat-belts and that is
the only way to prevent the accident for passengers personally. Secondly, people
don’t consider seat belt crucially because it is not illegal. Most of the
passengers answered to the question asking why not wearing seat belt that it is
uncomfortable and unused to it. This means that people don’t take account of
the importance of wearing seat belt as there is no one enforcing sanctions. For
that, making strict law for wearing seat belt will give passengers strong awareness
how much seat belt is important. Lastly, when not wearing seat belt become illegal,
people will consider more deeply about how to wear seat belt properly. According
to Dr. Koo, a surgery department doctor in Yonsai Severance, incorrect way of
wearing seat belt can cause serious injure such as enterorrhexis or break in
rib. For that, enforcing passengers to wear seat belt will make them consider
more about the correct way of wearing it. Also, not only preventing the
accident, correct way of wearing seat belt also makes driver to stay in a
correct posture while driving. In brief, considering safety and perception, making
not wearing a seat belt illegal is compulsory for every road in the entire
world.
고속도로 뒷좌석 안전띠 착용! 선택이 아닌 의무입니다. (2015, February 17). Retrieved December 9, 2015, from http://expressway.tistory.com/826
<운전자 5명중 1명,"귀찮고 불편해서' 안전띠 안맨다.> (2014, May 13). Retrieved December 6, 2015, from http://blog.naver.com/autolog/200000393627
neurosurgery
Hello YoungEun,
답글삭제I could know your opinion by your title, but I confused because of your first sentence. You said 'Not wearing seat belt must be illegal' in title, and said 'wearing seat belt in every seat need to become illegal' in first sentence. I think you should change illegal into legal or adding 'not' in front of 'wearing'. If your opinion is like title, I agree with your opinion. It's very impressive that graph said the reason drivers don't wear seat belt is just habit. I also think it should be law and they are forced by legislation. I hope you to get good grade.
-HanDaUl
Hi JiYoung,
답글삭제First, I deeply agree with your thinking. However, my first feeling of reading your paragraph is confusing. The word ‘illegal’ makes me so confused. It didn’t mean that your word choice is wrong. But I think that if the word ‘illegal’ changed to ‘legislation’ or ’ enactment’ some other words, meaning is understood directly. I don’t know your intention to use ‘illegal’ exactly. In the point of reader, Title ‘Not Wearing Seat Belt: Must be Illegal’ gave wrong first impression.
So, how about changing your title like “Wearing Seat Belt: Must Be Legislated”.
Thanks,
Duki
Hi Young Eun,
답글삭제I could catch your idea. However, you made a mistake in first sentence because the sentence means wearing seat belts in every seat is wrong unlike your idea . If you correct the part, your writing seems pretty nice. Your outsource gave validity for your idea.
Best wishes,
Hye young
Hello Youngeun,
답글삭제In your first sentence, ‘wearing seat belts in every seat needs to become illegal’ is a little bit strange. That sentence means that everyone must not wear seat belts in every seat. I think you made a mistake, please change it. Except that, I like all of your supporting ideas and visual elements.
Have a nice day,
seon woo
Hello Young-Eun,
답글삭제I really enjoyed your paragraph. Wearing seat belts is a very important issue because it is deeply associated with life on the road. Topic of this writing is very interesting, but I think you need to require modifications to the configuration of your paragraph. I don't know where you use citations, so you need to display quotations in your paragraph. I hope this advice is of help to you.
Have a nice day,
Jeongseob
작성자가 댓글을 삭제했습니다.
답글삭제Hi Youngeun,
답글삭제I think you did nice job on making your paragraph straightforward. I really enjoyed reading yours! However, it seems like you missed having more sources to back up your thesis. As Gary said, minimum deserves minimum. If you add more credible sources to fully support your opinion, then your paragraph would become perfect! Hope my suggestions are helpful to make yours better!
Good luck,
June
Hi Youngeun,
답글삭제I’m impressed by your post because it is about the real life. I usually wear seat belts in back seat when our car runs on highway, but I don’t wear it in other place. If not wearing seat belts in every seat is illegal, I will wear it all the time. Also, I think that add ‘in every seat’ in title is much better.
Thank you,
Jiyeon
Hi, Youngeun. I'm impressed by your post. It have very good information. I think we should wear a seat belt too. Thank you for your writing
답글삭제